Sunday, November 12, 2017

Random assortment...


Polaroid 250
 The Argentina Trail, Ruidoso, New Mexico
2017












 Instax Wide
Alomogordo, New Mexico
2016












 Her favorite Halloween costume of all time. 
(In the official version, she wore a suite and tie and carried a briefcase...while wearing a unicorn head...of course.)













 
Polaroid Land 250
Ft. Richardson State Park, Jacksboro, TX
November 2016










Busking
McKinney, TX 2017

Thursday, November 2, 2017

People and Events :: Strangers that I could probably befriend, easily.



(Polaroid Land 250, Fuji 100FP)
She had just gotten off work and was waiting for her ride. She looked a little tired and blue. I asked her for a photo, and she was doubtful. I told her that I liked her look. She cheered up and said I made her day, just as her El Camino pulled up.
(I think we could be friends.)


















 
Instax Wide.
No, I don't think I could easily befriend these two. I was actually scared of them.











Polaroid 250, Fuji 100FP
Oktoberfest 2017. I could EASILY hang with them...for about 4 hours.





This year has been a steady bobbing...going up for a gasp of air, then sinking down through the layers of warm and cold...back up to the top for air. It's the in between place. No longer really young, not yet old. Frustrated that the lessons learned don't seem to provide that soothing wisdom I hoped they would. Those hard-earned experiences are always there, yet I seem short of the calm and clarity to help me through the shit. I'm an in-between Christian, too. Not fully...anything. I've forgotten my Bible lessons, and I can hardly relate to the women around me who are neck-deep in church and "fellowship". (that sentence sounds hateful, but it's not meant to be. it's because i just can't relate...) There's something there that I can't articulate, something beyond words, that terrifies me and makes me lonelier than being alone. I honestly can't explain it. All I know is that the people who touch my heart in the most direct, no-bullshit way are the ones who are unafraid to share their good and their bad. They no longer hide the dark parts of themselves from me, and for that I am grateful. It has saved me more than once. Because who can relate to a half-person? Who can survive that kind of loneliness?
So I pray...for deep, meaningful friendships during this ridiculous time of busy-ness. I do believe that God lives in those heart to heart friendships. He works there. May my eyes be open and my heart be willing.












I just need to share something.


Downtown McKinney, 9/17
Polaroid Land Camera 250 with Fuji 100FP













Instax Wide with color film













Ft. Richardson State Park, November 2016, Instax Wide with color film












Instax Wide, color film 2016











Lake Murray State Park, Oklahoma, March 2016
 Polaroid Land Camera 250, Fuji 100FP

Friday, September 22, 2017






















On Children by Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.






Saturday, August 26, 2017

again







I'm in the dark place again.
Cold feeling in my chest.
No sleep or escape from thoughts.
No perspective.
No peace.
Who is God.

I don't speak this language
I recoil from it because it comes at me aggressively
asking intimate questions with no need for answers.
Are you spending time with the Lord?
Are you spending time in the Word?
Because you know, that's how he talks to us.

this pseudo-intimacy.

This line of questioning is so intrusive and shaming.
I have a physical reaction
I lean back and want to run away.
And then that feeling of isolation grows.
when will i stop asking for what they cannot give?

-anon


Tuesday, August 8, 2017

My speech is imperfect. Not because I want to shine with words, but out of the impossibility of finding those words, I speak in images. With nothing else can I express the words from the depths.


Carl Jung, The Red Book, p. 230

Big Bend Revisted




































I found a better "smart phone scanner" app, so this is a test run to see how they look. 

This app is by Lomography, the folks who appreciate the grainy, imperfect film look. I could've cropped the sprocket holes and data off, but I kind of like it.










































Saturday, July 22, 2017

Southern Road Trip 2017




We started in Memphis. It was crazy during the day, and crazier at night. I'd been looking forward to this trip for so long, and it was fantastic! 












My husband's first mistake was playing "Walking In Memphis" for me before we hit the road. I proceeded to sing it multiple times a day, for the next six days. He loved it. This is where "my feet were walking ten feet off of Beale". Sorry y'all, get used to it.









I liked Beale even better at night. I sang karaoke for the first time after two shots and a plate of jalapeno wings. damn. 














I felt so at home here. The Deep South is so laid back, and I never heard an angry word spoken. Buskers played and people danced. It smelled like barbecue, beer, smoke, and rain. If you've never been, please go. If you haven't been and you think you know how the South is, go and get rid of your misconceptions. 















Day two, we visited the National Civil Rights Museum. 












I think every American should make this trip at least once. I also think Dr. King would be heartbroken at the state of our nation today.













The room at The Lorraine Motel where Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was shot and killed. 
Outside of the museum, Jacqueline Smith has been protesting for over twenty years. She believes that the museum is a disgraceful use of tax payer dollars and that Dr. King would have rather that money gone to help poor families in Memphis.












We walked across the street from the museum to devour mass quantities of ribs. Go to Texas for brisket, go to MEMPHIS for RIBS. 













Back to Beale St. the next day. We also walked along the Mississippi near downtown. There had been severe thunderstorms a few days earlier and power was out to over 80,000 residents.













This right here....this part of the trip was pure joy. I felt like a little kid walking into Sun Studio.











Supposedly, Elvis used this mic.














Supposedly U2 used this drum kit. 











Supposedly these guys were famous. ;-)
Seriously?? All four in one room!? Can you name them?






































The studio is still in use, and they haven't upgraded or redone anything. It smelled like 1955.











Husband was determined to go to Graceland, and I was determined not to. I thought it was gross, honestly, to worship a man like that. But he convinced me to go, and it was every bit as bizarre as I'd imagined.










The living room














The kitchen. This room smelled like 1975. Look how ordinary it is! I like it.













This is the Jungle Room, and that's Lisa Marie's stuffed animal in the chair. It smelled like old shag carpet.







































We left Memphis and drove into the Mississippi Delta and I marveled at the sights.  It felt like a dream. Please, go sometime. 
This is the Yalobusha River in Greenwood, Mississippi. I was mesmerized.
                Just a few notes:    1. The Mississippi (spoken) accents are swirly and sugary. 
 2. The food is RICH.
                                                3. The weather in June is insanely hot and HUMID.











This town was beautiful, intense, and haunted. There's so much grief and sadness here. While here, I stumbled upon Brandon Thibodeaux's photography. His images capture the Delta perfectly.




























































This was our last day in Mississippi. I hated to leave, but somehow felt relieved to have some distance from the intense emotions here. We stopped at this church to pay respects to Robert Johnson.  


There is something incredibly powerful about the Delta. It seems stuck in the past. Maybe that's what feels so smothering and melancholy...no glimpse of the future. At the same time, it's beautiful. I will go back.