Sunday, November 12, 2017

Random assortment...

Polaroid 250
 The Argentina Trail, Ruidoso, New Mexico

 Instax Wide
Alomogordo, New Mexico

 Her favorite Halloween costume of all time. 
(In the official version, she wore a suite and tie and carried a briefcase...while wearing a unicorn head...of course.)

Polaroid Land 250
Ft. Richardson State Park, Jacksboro, TX
November 2016

McKinney, TX 2017

Thursday, November 2, 2017

People and Events :: Strangers that I could probably befriend, easily.

(Polaroid Land 250, Fuji 100FP)
She had just gotten off work and was waiting for her ride. She looked a little tired and blue. I asked her for a photo, and she was doubtful. I told her that I liked her look. She cheered up and said I made her day, just as her El Camino pulled up.
(I think we could be friends.)

Instax Wide.
No, I don't think I could easily befriend these two. I was actually scared of them.

Polaroid 250, Fuji 100FP
Oktoberfest 2017. I could EASILY hang with them...for about 4 hours.

This year has been a steady bobbing...going up for a gasp of air, then sinking down through the layers of warm and cold...back up to the top for air. It's the in between place. No longer really young, not yet old. Frustrated that the lessons learned don't seem to provide that soothing wisdom I hoped they would. Those hard-earned experiences are always there, yet I seem short of the calm and clarity to help me through the shit. I'm an in-between Christian, too. Not fully...anything. I've forgotten my Bible lessons, and I can hardly relate to the women around me who are neck-deep in church and "fellowship". (that sentence sounds hateful, but it's not meant to be. it's because i just can't relate...) There's something there that I can't articulate, something beyond words, that terrifies me and makes me lonelier than being alone. I honestly can't explain it. All I know is that the people who touch my heart in the most direct, no-bullshit way are the ones who are unafraid to share their good and their bad. They no longer hide the dark parts of themselves from me, and for that I am grateful. It has saved me more than once. Because who can relate to a half-person? Who can survive that kind of loneliness?
So I pray...for deep, meaningful friendships during this ridiculous time of busy-ness. I do believe that God lives in those heart to heart friendships. He works there. May my eyes be open and my heart be willing.

I just need to share something.

Downtown McKinney, 9/17
Polaroid Land Camera 250 with Fuji 100FP

Instax Wide with color film

Ft. Richardson State Park, November 2016, Instax Wide with color film

Instax Wide, color film 2016

Lake Murray State Park, Oklahoma, March 2016
 Polaroid Land Camera 250, Fuji 100FP

Friday, September 22, 2017

On Children by Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Saturday, August 26, 2017


I'm in the dark place again.
Cold feeling in my chest.
No sleep or escape from thoughts.
No perspective.
No peace.
Who is God.

I don't speak this language
I recoil from it because it comes at me aggressively
asking intimate questions with no need for answers.
Are you spending time with the Lord?
Are you spending time in the Word?
Because you know, that's how he talks to us.

this pseudo-intimacy.

This line of questioning is so intrusive and shaming.
I have a physical reaction
I lean back and want to run away.
And then that feeling of isolation grows.
when will i stop asking for what they cannot give?


Tuesday, August 8, 2017

My speech is imperfect. Not because I want to shine with words, but out of the impossibility of finding those words, I speak in images. With nothing else can I express the words from the depths.

Carl Jung, The Red Book, p. 230