Thursday, December 18, 2014

pick something do-able

If I could ever look at a photo and see the symbolism in my life, now is that time.
It's unrelenting. I set up all of my darkroom equipment, and printed photos for four days. I worked during the day and after the kids were in bed. And I had a feeling of satisfaction, tinged with anger. Everything seems to be tinged with anger lately. It's as if I am doing things just so I can say "I did it". There's not a lot of personal satisfaction involved. It's just going through the motions. 

And photography is just lingering on the sidelines. I've drawn and painted. But still, nothing seems cathartic or relaxing. 

It seems that everywhere I look, I'm angry. But with what? With whom?

I suppose it's all part of the natural process. 

Denial and isolation 
Anger
Bargaining (how?)
Depression
Acceptance

i hope it doesn't last too long. 
hell, i'm even angry that i have to go through these steps. 
i'm angry about everything.

reason says: this is all part of life.
i will just focus on keeping my feet warm...that seems do-able.









































Wednesday, November 12, 2014

daily life.


The most interesting things happen, I think, at home. Everyday someone does or says something funny, loving, or...infuriating.
I think this will be my long-term goal: to capture these moments (as much as possible), and print them.



















My mom puts notes everywhere.











Life is better with a moustache.

Monday, November 3, 2014

Sunday, October 26, 2014




I couldn't decide which one to post...














35 mm Nikon FG, TMax 400








I planted these gladiolas last summer and they were beautiful when they bloomed. 

Yashica, TMax 400, 120 film

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Did I just fall through a rabbit hole?















































October 18, 2014
Tyler Rose Festival
camera: Olympus Pen EE
situation: bizarre

Monday, October 20, 2014

Wednesday, October 15, 2014






I honestly envy writers. I suppose they are (some of them) born with an inclination to express themselves in the written word. And the struggle to express myself is probably a symptom of not fully knowing what it is that I want to say. 

-----------

I wish I could share more of myself here. But for some reason, I can't. 

------------

I catch myself holding my breath a lot lately. I think that alone speaks volumes.

------------

It seems like all of my friends (off-line) are overwhelmed. It makes me wonder if we're doing something wrong. I know it's understandable to feel that way on occasion, but regularly? I have to believe there's a better way to live. 

------------

Lately, my social interactions are with people two generations ahead of me. We eat rolls and drink coffee. And I try to convince them that film is where it's at. They laugh at me and scoff at the idea. I've also noticed that I don't feel a part of anything lately. I'm neither here nor there. But I'm showing up. And I'm grateful for this place. This semi-comfort with myself. It's not fully developed, but it's coming along. 

















Old Time Saturday, 2014
Polaroid Land Camera 450, Fuji100C film


Sunday, October 5, 2014










We had a local festival this weekend, and I managed to lug my "new" Polaroid 450 Land Camera along to test it out. I decided to approach the most interesting looking people I could find, and they were all very friendly and approachable. I've noticed that it's becoming easier to approach people, and I'm more confident that they'll say yes to me. But I've also noticed that my skills are lacking. I get a bit nervous after they say yes, and I don't take the time to consider that the light may be directly in their eyes (see above). Oh well.




















I've also noticed that people are very eager to discuss the Polaroid camera itself, and they seem less leery of having their photo made with an old camera versus a new digital DSLR or iPhone. Interesting.
Folks beyond a certain age tend to recognize my older cameras, and I suppose it brings to mind good memories, which instantly breaks down a barrier.

















I felt happy when I left the festival. I had connected with several people I'd never met before, seen my kids play hard, and I'd exhausted that nagging urge to take photos. I hope you had a good weekend, too.


Wednesday, September 24, 2014

1. Did you know that Amazon.com will contribute a portion of your purchase to your favorite charity? Go to www.smile.amazon.com and choose JDRF (Juvenile Diabetes Research Fund) as your charity of choice. Xoxo

2. It's a life-long diagnosis.




3. It's actually an autoimmune disease.


Life is messy, isn't it?