I'm at a loss. how do you go on living life in a meaningful way when someone you love seems so utterly lost. it's not a question because right now i don't feel that it has an answer.
all the textbook answers come to mind: detatch, practice self care, etc.
and what? watch her drown while i practice self care?
what if i don't have any answers for her?
what if the only answer i can think of is: you have to decide if you want to live or not.
i remember 19.
i remember wondering what was the point of it all.
thinking that it was all just a big stupid game with no deeper meaning, and that everyone eventually decided to play their sad pathetic designated part.
god what an awful view of life.
but they see it that way now.
this generation is so lost.
they seem to find no real meaning in anything.
i think they have no common enemy.
to think that there is no meaning in anything.
how disgustingly arrogant.
what if the only meaning is how we serve others and accept help when we need it?
finding the courage to be vulnerable/strong and the courage to stand in the gap before the next step is fully developed.
that's about all i have right now.
and i absolutely can't stand that my sense of certainty and peace of mind is so deeply dependent on their current state of mind. talk about uncertainty!
GOD, please let this not always be the case. PLEASE let me find a way to remain stable when they are lost at sea.
i'll write this here:
i found meaning in....
my willingness to give my life for one of my own
the ache in my arms when my child died, and the overwhelming comfort and love i felt when those same arms were filled once again.
my husband's grace and steady love.
the connection and relatedness i felt with my mother and grandmother when i became an adult.
friend's tears who had suffered similar losses and victories.
reaching a point of not knowing how to live and rediscovering my connection to God and Self.
deciding that my life had value no matter who did or did not love me.
really that last one is the biggest.
it took a world of troubles, it took a world of tears, it took a long time to get back here.
all the textbook answers come to mind: detatch, practice self care, etc.
and what? watch her drown while i practice self care?
what if i don't have any answers for her?
what if the only answer i can think of is: you have to decide if you want to live or not.
i remember 19.
i remember wondering what was the point of it all.
thinking that it was all just a big stupid game with no deeper meaning, and that everyone eventually decided to play their sad pathetic designated part.
god what an awful view of life.
but they see it that way now.
this generation is so lost.
they seem to find no real meaning in anything.
i think they have no common enemy.
to think that there is no meaning in anything.
how disgustingly arrogant.
what if the only meaning is how we serve others and accept help when we need it?
finding the courage to be vulnerable/strong and the courage to stand in the gap before the next step is fully developed.
that's about all i have right now.
and i absolutely can't stand that my sense of certainty and peace of mind is so deeply dependent on their current state of mind. talk about uncertainty!
GOD, please let this not always be the case. PLEASE let me find a way to remain stable when they are lost at sea.
i'll write this here:
i found meaning in....
my willingness to give my life for one of my own
the ache in my arms when my child died, and the overwhelming comfort and love i felt when those same arms were filled once again.
my husband's grace and steady love.
the connection and relatedness i felt with my mother and grandmother when i became an adult.
friend's tears who had suffered similar losses and victories.
reaching a point of not knowing how to live and rediscovering my connection to God and Self.
deciding that my life had value no matter who did or did not love me.
really that last one is the biggest.
it took a world of troubles, it took a world of tears, it took a long time to get back here.
Comments
- Bruce Springsteen
-FJ
"Without continual growth and progress, such words as improvement, achievement, and success have no meaning."
-Benjamin Franklin
"Words may show a man's wit but actions his meaning."
-Benjamin Franklin
The most elementary matrix of fantasy, of its temporal loop, is that of the "impossible" gaze by means of which the subject is present at the act of his/her own conception. What is at stake in it is the enigma of the Other's desire: by means of the fantasy-formation, the subject provides an answer to the question, 'What am I for my parents, for their desire?' and thus endeavours to arrive at the 'deeper meaning' of his or her existence, to discern the Fate involved in it. The reassuring lesson of fantasy is that "I was brought about with a special purpose". Consequently, when, at the end of psychoanalytic treatment, I "traverse my fundamental fantasy", the point of it is not that, instead of being bothered by the enigma of the Other's desire, of what I am for the others, I "subjectivize" my fate in the sense of its symbolization, of recognizing myself in a symbolic network or narrative for which I am fully responsible, but rather that I fully assume the uttermost contingency of my being. The subject becomes 'cause of itself' in the sense of no longer looking for a guarantee of his or her existence in another's desire.
- Slavoj Zizek
-Helen Garner
"Just imagine becoming the way you used to be as a very young child, before you understood the meaning of any word, before opinions took over your mind. The real you is loving, joyful, and free. The real you is just like a flower, just like the wind, just like the ocean, just like the sun."
-Don Miguel Ruiz
-FJ
--------+
That FJ has a way with words!
:-)
Thanks for your ever uplifting quotes and ideas. I needed this, big time.
Maybe I shouldn't write anything around midnight after a grueling and emotionally exhausting day.
But then... That's when the words come to the surface.
I'm glad you and nicrap still hang around. It means a lot.
...and yes, we have our eyes on you! ;p