What can I say that I haven't already?

I haven't developed film in nearly a year, and I miss it. I find that when the emotional work of life gets intense, I tend to do one of two things: dive into art, or hibernate and sink further down. This time I hibernated. But! Spring is here and I'm feeling better. I spent this weekend outdoors taking portraits of strangers with my 4x5 camera and instant film, and I'm so thankful that I get to participate in this local arts festival every year. (Funny though, interacting with total strangers can go two ways: either I feel TOTALLY refreshed and encouraged, or sad for all of humanity.) :p

Speaking of depression, film, and life, check out this beautiful photography. These images go so much deeper than anything I've seen before. They speak that mysterious language that I desperately yearn to convey. Thank you, James Tarry, for sharing your work with us.

I decided to make my own "sandwich board" to start using at arts festivals, etc. It was really simple and fun. I may not be diving deep with creativity, but I'm still making things with my hands. 

As my children are getting older, things seem to be gradually getting busier. I don't like busy.
I don't glorify it. I don't admire it. I don't enjoy it.
I don't love the drama of being over-scheduled and stressed out.
I don't believe busy-ness makes me more productive or valuable...to anyone.


I strive for focus. stillness. intention.
I'm okay with quiet. I LOVE solitude.
I'm finding that no matter how much I try to take on, to fix, to work, to manage, to DO... if I don't take care of myself, things fall apart.


But in all of this stupid busy-ness that creeps back into my life again and again, I keep asking myself....how ALIVE am I?

I had a therapist that used to ask me that question, and I thought it was brilliant. How alive am I?

How do you define BEING ALIVE?
I don't mean "are your vital signs present", obviously.
Do you feel alive? Are you really living?
What makes you feel the most alive?

Tell me.