Monday, April 10, 2017

What can I say that I haven't already?

I haven't developed film in nearly a year, and I miss it. I find that when the emotional work of life gets intense, I tend to do one of two things: dive into art, or hibernate and sink further down. This time I hibernated. But! Spring is here and I'm feeling better. I spent this weekend outdoors taking portraits of strangers with my 4x5 camera and instant film, and I'm so thankful that I get to participate in this local arts festival every year. (Funny though, interacting with total strangers can go two ways: either I feel TOTALLY refreshed and encouraged, or sad for all of humanity.) :p

Speaking of depression, film, and life, check out this beautiful photography. These images go so much deeper than anything I've seen before. They speak that mysterious language that I desperately yearn to convey. Thank you, James Tarry, for sharing your work with us.

I decided to make my own "sandwich board" to start using at arts festivals, etc. It was really simple and fun. I may not be diving deep with creativity, but I'm still making things with my hands. 

As my children are getting older, things seem to be gradually getting busier. I don't like busy.
I don't glorify it. I don't admire it. I don't enjoy it.
I don't love the drama of being over-scheduled and stressed out.
I don't believe busy-ness makes me more productive or anyone.

I strive for focus. stillness. intention.
I'm okay with quiet. I LOVE solitude.
I'm finding that no matter how much I try to take on, to fix, to work, to manage, to DO... if I don't take care of myself, things fall apart.

But in all of this stupid busy-ness that creeps back into my life again and again, I keep asking ALIVE am I?

I had a therapist that used to ask me that question, and I thought it was brilliant. How alive am I?

How do you define BEING ALIVE?
I don't mean "are your vital signs present", obviously.
Do you feel alive? Are you really living?
What makes you feel the most alive?

Tell me.


Paul Reynolds said...

Jen! This is Paul Reynolds. We met at McKinney's Arts and Bloom Festival. I'm the one shooting the video. Create an Instagram account and then follow me. :)

Jen Brimmage said...

Hey Paul! Can't​ wait to see the video. Glad you stopped by and visited. Did you check out that podcast?

-FJ said...

Business doesn't make me feel alive. On the contrary, to me it's "lost time" spent in "being for the other". I much prefer the time I spend in "being for myself". Yes, it's selfish. Yes its narcissistic. But its' "Mine".

The more time you spend "being for the other," the stronger the feelings of guilt you experience when you try and spend time out for yourself. A "vicious cycle" so to speak. Finding the proper "balance" is the real art of living. ;)

-FJ said...

busyness/business. You made me "see it." Thanks again!

Jen Brimmage said...

I don't think it's selfish or narcissistic to spend time for yourself. It's how I take care of myself. Otherwise I become resentful at whomever or whatever is getting all of my time.