Wednesday, October 28, 2015

What can I say, except that blogging is no longer a catharsis?

I don't know what it is anymore. It's a rare occurrence, for one thing.
Anyway, as usual, there's far more going on underneath the surface than it appears.

It's good, though. Good, deep roots growing, with plenty of rain. :p

1. I'm tired of funerals and illnesses. It doesn't matter how "squared away" I think I am on the subject of death and dying, when it really happens I have a little mini-crisis. It's different now, though. It's all on the inside....which I prefer.

2. The change of seasons still slows me down and makes me a little blue. I guess it always will.

3. I am learning to forgive. I don't need to have justice served to know that I've done no wrong. Instead of feeling hurt, I can see that it's not even about me.

4. I still have these little nihilistic moments, and I hate them. I think they come from not being mindful...when I'm more of an automaton in my own life. Looking at family photos and taking care of myself tends to get me back to right.


So, tell me what's going on with you. What are you reading? How are you feeling? (tell me!)





23 comments:

nicrap said...

Feeling chuffed. ;) Reading nothing. Maybe that's the reason. ;)

nicrap said...

What do you think of this 'beginning' (from MAupassant's 'A Wedding Gift"): "For a long time JAcques Baurdillere had sworn that he would never marry, but he suddenly changed his mind. It happened suddenly, one sumemr, at the seashore"?

Jen Brimmage said...

I like it a lot. It sounds a lot like Checkhov.

:-)

Ducky's here said...

I'm feeling fine mostly because my grand niece is doing exceptionally well.
She's always been interested in a number of topics but biology and dramatic arts seem to be coming to the fore (she's only six).
Her tryout for her school play featured a Performance of "I Enjoy Being a Girl" (no politically correct here) that really went over.

I'm rereading Renata Adler's non fiction and wondering why her idea of "radical centrism" can't take hold.
Films have had a definite spiritual theme lately. Lots of Dreyer, Rohmer and Bresson.

"I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round,
I really love to watch them roll... "
--- John Lennon

Jen Brimmage said...

nicrap, does chuffed mean "good"? ;-)

I thought it meant "irritated".

Jen Brimmage said...

Ducky, your grand niece sounds like quite the girl! I know it must be wonderful for you to watch her grow and learn.

We saw Bridge of Spies in the theater last week. It was shot on Kodak film, and you can definitely tell! Beautiful lighting, too. I really liked it, overall.

I'm glad to hear that you're doing well.

nicrap said...

Yes, Jen. It's British, i think, and means "to be pleased with oneself". :)

Btw, Talking of nieces...and nephews. :)

Jen Brimmage said...

well go figure! You're pleased with yourself. ;-)

Your story made me laugh. I'll have to read it again a few times to understand it all.

Do you really say "Lord Almighty!"?

nicrap said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
nicrap said...

Why, can't i be pleased with myself?

Inspector AIPac said...

It's a very amusing story, N. You should feel "chuffed". ;)

...and since I'm no longer is a pissy mood, I've decided to join this thread and share that much like "N.", I'm reading nothing and sucking in the ennui. Perhaps I'll be rewarded, as "N." was, with an outburst of creativity? We can hope. :)

Jen Brimmage said...

You should be! I was just teasing you. Just like that. :)

Jen Brimmage said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
nicrap said...

Lol. I - or should i say "N." - feel like the proverbial dead horse right now. ;)

p.s. Thanks for the kind words. :D

Btw, I changed the title of the story for posting on the blog. The actual title is "The Family Idiot."

nicrap said...

Also, i am glad you are no longer pissed. ;)

@Jen

I knew, Jen. :p

Jen Brimmage said...

Fj, what had you feeling cranky?

I'm reading Brennan Manning's Abba's Child, and I love it. Recovered alcoholic ex-Catholic priest plus Jung equals greatness. :) I'm in that wonderful place where I feel terribly sad and frustrated one minute and full of hope and gratitude the next.

Thersites said...

Actually, I've been in that place where every day seems like the last one. I suspect it's because I lost a weekend last week, between work and family commitments, and didn't get to enjoy any time to myself. Seeing and being with family was nice, but its' still not the same thing. And now this weekend I'm back to my "regular" habits and can allow my mind a bit of time to wander aimlessly and not be committed to any specific tasks.

@ N. Formerly a self-depracating title, I suspect. :)

Thersites said...

Well, back to my own little world...

*Sigh*

;)

nicrap said...

@ N. Formerly a self-depracating title, I suspect.

The Family Idiot? lol. Well, there were two of us ... uncle and i. ;)

Thersites said...

Call me "Lear's fool" if you like...

"Nuncle, give me an egg, and I'll give thee two crowns"

;p

Thersites said...

KING LEAR
What two crowns shall they be?

Fool
Why, after I have cut the egg i' the middle, and eat
up the meat, the two crowns of the egg. When thou
clovest thy crown i' the middle, and gavest away
both parts, thou borest thy ass on thy back o'er
the dirt: thou hadst little wit in thy bald crown,
when thou gavest thy golden one away. If I speak
like myself in this, let him be whipped that first
finds it so.

nicrap said...

Playing the fool, are we? There is no "nobler" vocation. :)

"With the great of this world there is no better part to play than that of jester. For long ages there was an official King's Jester, but at no time has there been an official King's Wise Man. I am jester to Bertin and a host of others — to you, perhaps, at this moment — or possibly you are mine. A really sensible person wouldn't have a jester. So anyone who has a jester is not sensible, and if he is not sensible he must be a jester and perhaps, if he's a king, his jester's jester." (Rameau's Nephew. Diderot.)

Z said...

In England, "CHUFFED" ....nicrap's right..kind of proud/pleased...I had a British business partner (Lee Jackson of THE NICE) and he used it a lot.

I'm going to look into Abba's Child.

Your image sure meets your mood, doesn't it.